"Happiness is all in my head... I just gotta find the key." -me.

I'm at high risk for major depression. I took a survey so it's a maybe but i've dealt with these symptoms for so long that it's very likely. I'm irritated by things my husband says and does, things that are innocent and I catch that innocence after I've made a fool of myself. I've tried the doctors. They only make me angry and annoyed. I'm not sure I want the meds because I hate meds of any kinda and the side effects of most anti-depressants are awful. I want my husband but he can't be here. I want my mom [..lol..] but she has a life, my siblings and her show dogs to take care of. I'm finally understanding how crappy life is but that if you want to be happy the only person who can keep you that way is yourself. I'm trying. My dog sure helps.. I need to express myself like I used to. I've lost sight of what i love doing. My painting, drawing writing. I love helping people and taking care of kids. I love taking pictures of random things. Lately all I've done is sit around and wallow.. growing mold and mushrooms..... I'm going outside with my camera. go exploring.. get lost and find home. Or just go shopping.