*wintersglow

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I'm Dying...

Wed Jul 1, 2009, 9:32 PM

"Happiness is all in my head... I just gotta find the key." -me.

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THeres just too much to be done. I'm so exhausted.. I'm dying of love though... ^_^ My husband and I are definately newlyweds. We keep fighting over the stupidest things bc we don't understand each other right just yet so its been a little bumpy. I've been controlling and demanding and he's just trying to cope with leave home and dealing with crzy me.. lol.. I have been a lot crzy lately. I don't know what my problem is.. THe doc's just said I was depressed bc I miscarried.. that I needed to move on... Sry for having wanted my own child, ASSHOLES!!! I just can't keep pinning up all the hurt I've been feeling over the past month. It's just making my mood spiral downward... My mom thinks I'm Bi Polar bc my aunt and uncle are.... whatever.. If I am I am, If not then Not.... Idk but I need to figure out how to deal with it in a better way than what I have been. He doesn't deserve to deal and take my crap everyday.. I can't even keep my tone level when all he's done is ask a simple unassuming question.. Not liking myself right now but trying...

Asking for Help is one the hardest things I've ever done bc I don't want anything to be wrong.. is that the right word to use.? idk.. not wrong just don't want to take meds. they don't work.

school work apartment finances mood head body him love self-love

He brought me flowers today and I had to hold back tears. I love him so much.. He always knows exactly what will bring a smile to my face without me having to say one word.

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17 Comments

Mood: Distressed
Listening to: his snoring and smiling at the sound...
Reading: self help pamplets on Depression
Watching: time drift...
Eating: Jasmine rice and sausage I cooked for dinner
Drinking: Dr Pepper

Devious Comments

love 1 1

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~~wow 0 0~~

~~mad 0 0~~

~~sad 0 0~~

~~fear 0 0~~

~~neutral 0 0~~

~statickrypt Jul 1, 2009, 11:30:03 PM

aww *hugs* I'm sorry you're having a rough time. You are having to adjust to a lot of new things right now, I know your mother means well but I wouldn't assume a mental illness right off the bat. Being newly married is normally a happy time despite all the little quirks to get used to but you are both also dealing with the misscarriage and loss of your child which is a very sad and difficult thing. So there is going to be a lot more stress and emotions to deal with than what you should normally have. Like you said finding a good way to deal with it is the main thing right now. And if you do happen to be bipolar for the love of god do not take Abilify, that stuff is notorious for causing weight gain, the doc even mentioned it before he put me on it and damn was he right I musta put on like 30 lbs. and a woman really doesn't need that when she is already down.

--
There is agony in truth...

Pain equals wisdom...

~Mythos-Omilitis Jul 2, 2009, 7:17:56 AM

Yay!

Love can keep you going hun. As for the possibility of being Bipolar... It's not that bad, but I wouldn't go on the meds.... Stay strong, cause I know you can. You can always call or text me. Keep remembering you love your husband and he loves you. Tell him you appriciate him like you're doing here? I think he'd like to hear that.

Love

--
In the moonlight I was created. And in the water I came to life.

*wintersglow Jul 7, 2009, 8:27:43 PM

Thnx for the cheer up advice, love. It's just what I needed.. ^_^

--
"Be true to yourself."

*wintersglow Jul 7, 2009, 8:32:46 PM

Hahaha yea.. No meds. I hate pills and the doc pissed me off with the "Let's talk about birthcontrol... pills, IUDs, etc.. I'm Catholic for God's sake. I don't even really like using condoms.. UGH!! anyways.

Thank you for the advice. It means A LOT to have someone to turn to. ^_^ I feel better when I vent.

--
"Be true to yourself."

~Mythos-Omilitis Jul 8, 2009, 7:04:14 AM

Hey, hey you with the face. Guess what.

--
In the moonlight I was created. And in the water I came to life.

~statickrypt Jul 8, 2009, 10:53:36 AM

I feel better when I vent too, women seem to be that way in general so I alway try to be there for my friends.
it looks like my hormones are leveled out enough where I won't have to be on birth control anymore, I ran out and I didn't wanna go in for another pap so I decided to try without then and so far I'm ok. I don't need it as a contreceptive cause for health reasons I had a tubal ligation after I had Kaylana so I'd like to not have to be on the pill

--
There is agony in truth...

Pain equals wisdom...

*wintersglow Jul 8, 2009, 8:56:39 PM

yea my mom is the same way. She had one after my youngest brother Andrew. Now she takes the pill when she feels like it lol...the women in my family have always been REALLY regular so counting is the simplest way to avoid a prego scence. It just kinda hit hard. I didn't want to talk about prevent one after losing one ya know?

--
"Be true to yourself."